Molesters & Rapists: The traits they look for in their potential victims

Over the past couple of weeks, ever since the Delhi rape incident, there have been talks, articles, and debates on the issue of rape. One of the discussions going on in the television just happened to trigger a discussion of which I was a part, where an opinion was voiced that the way a woman dressed may have something to do with the fact that she was molested or raped. Of course, I do not agree with that viewpoint because that goes fundamentally against what I have seen and experienced.

But it got me thinking…

I took myself as a case study…

When I was younger (pre-teens and teens), I had experienced my (un)fair share of being ‘man’handled, commented upon, molested, and harassed…the collective memories of these incidents shaped my opinion about old men, Malayalee men (sorry for the generalization, but around 60% of the men in Kerala are lecherous!), men in crowded places, and men in general. I developed a sixth sense about men and my antenna was always on the alert whenever any man stared for too long at me or looked at me inappropriately (or at least fell into my definition of inappropriateness).

Just to make it clear, the way I dressed when I was 10, 13, 16, or 18 years old had nothing to do with the fact that I was a target of unwanted and uninvited male attention and more. I was always fully clothed and that too, ‘well covered’ for any man to be ‘enticed’ into touching me inappropriately.

However, after my late 20s, the number of times I was molested or harassed almost became zero. During this time, the way I dressed had changed. I started wearing capris, jeans, sleeveless tops, skirts with slits, knee-length skirts – dresses that would be considered ‘a little too forward’ to be worn by a woman in her 30s or 40s. However, not even once was I harassed or did I become the target of sleazy comments.

So, what was it about me that gave men the impression that they could ‘get away’ with touching me inappropriately when I was younger and now, the same kind of men would not dare come anywhere near me? It is obviously not the way I dressed! Yes, the way I dress today probably does make men chance a second glance at me, and their interest is probably piqued, but it never goes beyond that.

Obviously the men who engage in inappropriate behavior bank on the fact that their victims will not reveal what has happened. So, that was my first clue.

After a lot of contemplation on this ‘phenomenon,’ I believe that the following traits in women tend to make men more confident of molesting, harassing, or raping them, and more importantly, getting away with it:

• Vulnerable – the minute a man, with dishonorable intentions (I am adding this because not all men behave like this), finds a woman in a vulnerable situation or position, he will take advantage of her and the situation. They use threats to keep their victims silent.
• Keeps Quiet – molesters, harassers, and all such worms known as men operate mostly on the condition of anonymity. They look for soft targets…that’s why children are targeted so often because usually, they can be threatened into silence. That’s also why such men behave abominably in crowded places like buses, markets, or theaters – because they can quickly slip away in the crowd after harassing or molesting their victims.
• Docile/Insecure – not sure how, but ‘sexual predators’ are somehow able to zone in on girls or women who are docile or insecure, and that gives them the confidence to carry out their plan. Because they know that they will face less resistance and that these women will not protest loud enough to catch somebody else’s attention.

I think these are the three most common traits that sexual predators look for in their victims. Of course, this is my theory based on my observations and experiences – so I may be wrong. But, if you take any instance of molestation, harassment, or rape, you will most probably find that the victim had at least one of these traits.

So how can we, as women, avoid being potential targets of sexual predators?

Again, I did a little bit of introspection, and here is what I think:

• Avoid Risks – yes, that is my first rule of self defense. Avoid getting into sticky situations as much as possible. Go to any self defense class, and that’s what the instructor will tell you as well. Avoidance is the most preferred technique of self defense.
• Be Alert – if you are in an unavoidable situation, remain alert till the danger has passed. Sometimes sexual predators may be deterred from their intentions when they realize that you are onto them. Keep watching them and let them know that you are watching them.
• Wear A Mask – this is a tough one because you have to learn to mask your fears and your insecurities. You have to appear tough even if you aren’t. You have to appear aggressive and loud even if you aren’t. Sexual predators will rarely attack somebody who they think will attack them in return or scream so loud that they attract unwanted attention.

I  don’t know if these pointers will help other women from avoiding becoming a target, but if it has helped me for so long, I am sure it will help others.

I certainly hope so…

Be strong, be safe.